Lately, it has been difficult to find my silver lining. The rages happen three & four times a day. Emotional turmoil has completely overtaken my body. Panda is in turmoil, too. This is not a good combination.
My tears begin the moment Panda dysregulates.
Things are knocked off counters ~ I cry.
She hits Pooda ~ I cry.
She hits me ~ I cry.
Pooda soon now expects my tears the moment Panda gets upset. I want to get in the van and drive somewhere ~ alone ~ and stay there a very long time.
Something has to change. All four of us need respite. I have never contemplated this before now although many families use respite on a regular basis.
She would be terrified if we send her away.
I do not want her to feel abandoned (again).
I am scared, too.
Support network to the rescue: Panda stayed with her best friend for three nights. Pooda went to my sister’s house for two nights. They both considered it a special treat and had a wonderful time. Mama & Baba had a wonderful time, too.
(I started this post last month . . . . ) This move was truly a miracle for us. I did not cry for weeks after the girls came home from respite. I cried for the first time yesterday. Tonight they are staying with Aunt Shaw again, so mama can have another respite.
A most powerful post. Your writing is powerful, your comments heart-felt. It is easy to sit at at distance and speculate: should there be more tough love (a hand on the butt at meltdown) or should there be more repite (breathing time for all involved). Your journey isn't likely the only one, and it would be interesting to hear from others how they have dealt with this.
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