- Albert Einstein
Source: http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/a/alberteins133991.html
The violence felt good to me ~ at the moment of frustration. Later, I was ashamed for using physical punishment. I don't do it any more. Ever. Neither does her Baba.
The most driving reason is for Panda. What happened to her when she was an infant is not her fault. She is wonderful, thoughtful, sincere, smart, caring and helpful. But her body often usurps these qualities with polar opposites.
Panda's neurological system takes her body to a place of survival. It happens fast. There is no warning. She cannot control it.
Panda's neurological system takes her body to a place of survival. It happens fast. There is no warning. She cannot control it.
I realized this within a couple months of bringing Panda home. How could a person maintain such extreme responses (literally hours & hours) time and time again? I certainly could not do it. How could a toddler? The idea these episodes were willful just didn't make sense to me.
Traditional parenting aims to correct willful disobedience. It was a long time before I trusted my sense her behavior was not willful. Time out was a joke. Panda would not sit somewhere alone. I was the one being punished with a time out, so I stopped doing it. At times I reached the end of my rope. I meted out a few whacks on her rear-end. Or grabbed her shoulders to 'shake some sense into her'.
It never made one bit of difference in what Panda was doing. Never.
Traditional parenting aims to correct willful disobedience. It was a long time before I trusted my sense her behavior was not willful. Time out was a joke. Panda would not sit somewhere alone. I was the one being punished with a time out, so I stopped doing it. At times I reached the end of my rope. I meted out a few whacks on her rear-end. Or grabbed her shoulders to 'shake some sense into her'.
It never made one bit of difference in what Panda was doing. Never.
The violence felt good to me ~ at the moment of frustration. Later, I was ashamed for using physical punishment. I don't do it any more. Ever. Neither does her Baba.
At last I am learning why the parenting tricks did not change Panda's behavior. Children who experience trauma are physiologically changed. Their brains are wired differently than brains of non-traumatized kids. Survival instincts are controlled by primitive brain structures (the reptile brain). Neurological pathways develop for protection (fight, flight or freeze). Cognitive thoughts cannot override the primitive system when it has taken control.
Infants interacting with their parents (or other important caregivers) are learning how to discern the perceived danger is not real. Babies learn to calm themselves by watching mommy and daddy stay calm. Activities such as crawling and walking also help kids learn to regulate their bodies.
A beautifully written post!
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